Breaking the Pew

I enjoy gospel music, very much. But I can not understand why it has to be so loud.  I've never seen  gospel in a concert venue, but I find it hard to beleive that a professional act would be  as painful to listen to.  No one would go if the music is always this loud. So what's the difference? Why am I looked at like a mad woman for suggesting that they are playing too loud.  Why would any one come up to me saying they can't hear the toms when the choir is barely audible.  I once took pride in the fact that I changed the experience of the gospel ensemble in the BPC.  When at one point there were fights breaking out between players and staff, now there was a mutually enjoyable and aggreable evening.  Yet the more I work this concert the more disheartend I get.  There is no way to  make it sound good.  Yes, little miss optimism is throwing her hands up in defeat and admitting I can't make the gospel choir sound good.  The choir was either ear peircing, or inaudible.  The band sounded phasey do to loud stage volume and mic bleed.  I have never felt so tired and frustrated as I did last night.  I think I'm tired.  I need a vacation, somewhere quiet and secluded with sweet umbrella clad drinks garnished with tropical fruit.  Unfortunately there are no relaxing beaches in my future.
         Somewhere deep down I know there is a secret to making the choir sound better.  At the moment I compromise the sound quality of the choir for volume.  If I could get less of the band in the mics I wouldn't have to high pass it so much (I think lower frequencies would make it less piercing).  I tried reversing the polarity on the choir mics with no effect. I had more luck placing the mics so that they cancelled out the band.  Ultimately I'm fighting a loosing battle.  Bottom line is there is too much band to give the choir it's proper space.  Two keyboards, organ, guitar, is too much.  So I can search for a magic solution til I'm blue in the face but basically all my effort is just a headache inducing turd polishing. At the end of the night it's still shit.